Monday, February 9

Funny season

Its election time in SA (14th of April). If you're an independent voter, and your shopping around for a party to support, what are your options? Lets hypothetically assume your colour blind, green and moved here recently, just to try to make this all objective.

Well, first up is the ANC. This is the oldest party in the country, chiefly responsible for the happy state of affairs that we find ourselves in. Economic policies have generally been excellent, but they've dropped the ball on a few issues, such as AIDS and Zimbabwe. They're looking to keep their two thirds majority, allowing them to bloody well do what they please. Being colourblind you wont notice that almost everyone around you is black, but then they shouldn't care to much that you're green either.

The ANC have a few boils hanging around called the SACP, COSATU and the NNP, who are riding their coat tails. COSATU is really a trade union and shouldnt really be affiliated to goverment anyway. Shame on them! The SACP is the corpse that been sitting at the table for a while now. Everyone been to polite to mention that he is starting to smell however, since he was such a good fellow back in the days. The NNP are alive and kicking, but they smell even worse then the corpse. Everyone tells them they smell, but they're so shameless they dont care.

The main opposition. The DA is the inheritors of the liberal white traditions of this country. Having valiantly opposed apartheid, they watched as the Nats gave it all to the ANC without so much as a "by your leave". They are now busy valiantly opposing the current government, even when they agree with them. They are looking to stop the ANC from achieving a two thirds majority, and they don't care whose ass they have to kiss to do it. The party is still mostly white, but being green you'll be sure to be pushed all the way to the front for the photo shoot.

The IFP. Zulu nationalists, they have trouble attracting anyone except Zulus. Unless your a nationalist in which case you might support them purely for the cause of nationalism. Being green, supporting nationalism would probable be a bad idea. Support has been waning in recent years. Whether this is due to the fact that the Zulu heartland is being eaten alive by the AIDS epidemic, or Zulus don't care to be ruled by tribal chiefs anymore nobody knows. Still, you might have fun at their rallies. They throw the best parties.

The Freedom front are the inheritors of the conservative white Afrikaner traditions. That said, they've been surprisingly cooperative in recent years. They've pretty much given up on the idea of a separate bantustan for themselves, probable when they realized they would not want to move there anyway. They're for Afrikaners, but that's about it. You'll probable be welcome at the braais, but expect other people to look at you funny.

The PAC are the inheritors of just about everything that is wrong with african politics. Its hard to think if anything that's good to say. You wont be welcome, unless you've got money, in which case they'll overlook your condition and call you comrade anyway. They live in a country called Azania, so finding them might be a problem though.

Praticia de Lille. Late of the PAC, she made her name poking fun at all the fat cats in government. When she realized she had ten times more support then the PAC, she dumped them and started her own party. The PAC is bitter about this, but their hatemail gets dumped on the side of the road as the post office cant find Azania.

Ahh, Choices. OK, ok, not really. The real election was last year at the ANC congress. That's when all the ANC members decided who was going to run this country. We just get to decide whether to give the ANC sole mandate for everything, or just most things. (I know, if only I'd told you this last year.)

Me, I like to watch "parliament live", so I'm voting to only give them power over most thing. The only choice now is whose voice do you want to hear going of like a Maltese poodle for the next 5 years.


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